You were there for summer dreamin’

I just got my duty roster yesterday afternoon. I’m happy with what I’ve been given, but I’m so anxious to start. Every time I think about going to work, my heart beats so fast, and I have to try and think hard of something else to divert my thoughts of messing up in the studio. This is what one month of time off does to you, people. It’s not good.

I’m excited to be working again, but.. yea, read the above paragraph. :P

Yesterday was a Friday, and I couldn’t visit my dad. My mom and sister went, with the usual entourage. I have never felt like I was missing something in my whole life. It’s as if I depended on those Friday visits. I went with my mom and sister, but I stayed in the car, in the parking lot.

I switched on the radio, changed the channel to the recitation of the Al-Quran station, which made me feel a bit relieved, like I’m not forgetting to read surah Yassin for my dad, or neglect to sedekah to him the tahlil. I then dozed off, in the blazing heat of the sun. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t like mosquitoes or anything that stings and make me itch, so I didn’t roll down the windows. Imagine that.

Then I woke up to my mom’s sharp rap on the window.

My mom then proceeded to tell me that we need to sedekah my dad something every time we remember him, of course, unless we can’t. She gave an analogy that goes something, like, if we sedekah to him every day, it’ll be like providing him with loads of gushing water. If we forget, or become lazy, then he will be thirsty, as if he was only given one drop of water. Something like that lah ah.

Which then made me feel like I had forgotten him. But, there will be next week. I will at least read him something once a day when I am , ahem, clean. I just have to. I need to keep him happy, wherever he is.

In other news, I bought the book by Cecilia Ahern, the one titled P.S., I Love You. A little behind the times, but better late than never.

Ooh! That reminds me. You know, these days, I feel like I am a different person now. I’ve been doing some thinking as well, and by the end of these thoughts, the voice inside my head comes up with these old sayings, like, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Yea, I feel like I am a stronger person now. A lot of it has to do with the coping of my dad’s death. I do not wish it on anyone, not even my worst enemy. A death of a loved one is so, so hard. It’s like when someone else’s loved one dies, you feel for them, but there is nothing like going through it first-hand. Not that all this while I had thought coping with death to be easy, but I never knew it was going to be this hard.

You know, at times my mind drifts off in a split second, and I go back to that emergency room, looking into my dad’s eyes, willing him to look at me when he was no longer breathing. Then when my eyes start to water, I stop and get back to the present. It happens more when I am doing nothing.

Being the lazy bum that I am, it happens a lot.

Anyway, I was doing a little blog-hopping, and I found this blog. I find it.. interesting, and I’m making it one of my daily reads. Most (or even all) of what she wrote are true. I agree most on how blogging used to be fun. Blogging used to be just that: blogging.


13 responses to “You were there for summer dreamin’

  1. Not to put you off reading the book or anything, but I hated it. I don’t understand why so many people loved it or were moved by it. I preferred her “Where Rainbows End” (still didn’t like it though, just thought it was better). Maybe it’s because I don’t regularly read chick lit. :S

  2. Erm, I left a comment, but it never appeared. Don’t know if you’ve got your comment moderation on or if it was marked as spam, but I’ll try again.

    Not to put you off reading the book or anything, but I didn’t like it. I don’t understand why many people loved it or were moved by it. I preferred ‘Where Rainbows End’ (I didn’t like it, just thought it was better). Maybe it’s because I don’t regularly read chick lit.

    You might be able to relate to the character though, seeing that she’s trying to deal with death.

    I’ve been thinking about my late grandparents more now, ever since graduation. I just wish that they were with my parents to witness it all.

  3. Relax.. I’m sure you’re gonna be just fine when you get back to work :)

  4. Dee, they were in spam. Hee. Anyway, I’m trying to read books again, have stopped since last year, couldn’t find the time or mood to start. I happen to like chick lit, you reckon I’d like it? Hehe.

    I think this is where they got the “you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone” saying. *hugs* They are in good hands now.

    Sha, I hope so! I don’t know why I’m so nervous. LOL.

  5. Man, I look like a fool for posting two similar comments. Hehehe. If you like chick lit, I guess you’ll like the book.

    Good luck with going back to work. :)

  6. Unlike Dee, I loved the book. Maybe because I’m a sucker for chick-lit. Hehe. I reckon you’d enjoy it hee. :D

  7. Salaam…
    There seems to be this belief that women can’t visit graves during that time of the month, but I’ve just been told recently that we actually can. I suppose you can’t recite Yaasin and the surahs, but you could still do tahlil. Unfortunately, I haven’t got any evidence to back this up but I found out from a trusted source. maybe you could still ask around to make sure.
    Hope this helps, and you won’t indeed miss out each month, but whatever the case, keep on praying for him… InsyaAllah, salah satu amalan yang tidak putus di dunia setelah seorang Muslim meninggal dunia ialah doa anak soleh/solehah yang mendoakan ibu-bapanya. Amin…

    Just thought I’d drop my two cents worth=)


  8. oh yes.. P.S.I Love You is a seriously good read!

  9. salam..Hey~ Good to hear that ur doing well..


  10. Dee, I’m reading the book, and I’ve just finished chapter 13. Yea, I’m becoming more of a slow reader these days, with so much in my head. Anyway, I’m still anticipating the greatness from this book, as fans of chick-lit (read: War and Rosie) have said it’s a good read. Haven’t found it yet, but you were right, I could relate to Holly, the main character, and how she felt Gerry’s death was unreal, like he had gone on holiday. That’s how I exactly feel about my dad.

    War, I don’t know.. I have yet to finish it. ;)

    Izzah, HI! Aku tau ko balik bila! And we better meet up soon!

    Anon, it is actually discouraged for women to visit graves in general, no? I don’t know where I heard it from, but as long as women keep in line, as in, keeping check of your aurat and everything, then you can visit. I can do nearly half of the tahlil, but the other half, I can’t even utter them.

    But thank you for your thoughts, I have been keeping my dad in my prayers ever since he passed, and I hope I have been good enough not to hold him back.

    Rosie, I’ll take your word for it! :P

    Leejah, thanks, sweety. :)

  11. Hi Tina, its been awhile since I bump into you at Liz’s place.. (its because I go there less nowadays). Hope you’re doing okay (:

    anyways, im here to ask where you bought the cecilia ahern book? cus Ive been looking for it for my sister’s bday present. Ive tried the book shop in yayasan but they dont have it. and Im not sure if Booker has it pulang.. I haven’t check.

    thanks Ka. *hugs.

  12. Heyya, Lynn! :) How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while too! I’ve only been to Liz’s every Fridays and Sundays now, got to stay at home most of the time, so that it’s not sunyi. I’m just quoting my mom. Hehe.

    Anyway, I bought the book over at The Mall’s Best Eastern. They’ve got all sorts of Cecilia Ahern’s books, but I couldn’t find Love, Rosie. I like reading books about e-mails being exchanged, like Meg Cabot’s, erm, I don’t remember which book it was. LOL.

    Hope you find the book! :)

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