I’m not as busy now as before. Actually, I am quite free, but quite broke. Haha. I would love to take walks down the beach, if I was ever fond of them. Not fond of the sun, actually. Not great with the heat, me. Not great with mosquitos either. Not that I’ve encountered any on the beach ever, but since I was on a roll with what I’m not great with.. then, y’know, might as well.

It’d be really nice if Seri Kenangan beach was near. That beach is my local favourite. Or maybe the day when I went there with my girl friends was just nice. It wasn’t too hot, and the breeze was nice and cool.

I’d love to walk down that beach again.

God. Drama queen much?

To tell you the truth, I have been trying not to post about my dad, and the fact that I really miss him. I really don’t want to be mistaken for a drama queen. But I’ve got a few reassurances that it’s okay for me to still not move on, to just.. be stuck here.

I was just doing some random blog-hopping and I was skipping through Pablo’s posts, and I found out, it was father’s day yesterday. Do correct me, if I’m wrong. But anyway. This one post had a video clip of late Luther Vandross’s Dance With My Father. First time I had a listen to the song, which was eons ago, I had a good cry. The same thing happened the second, third, fourth and fifth time. The sixth time I listened to it, I remembered asking Liz to listen to it with me. My eyes watered a bit, but I didn’t cry.

Now that my dad is gone, and playing that song a few moments ago, I am crying buckets. It was as if it was yesterday that I told him to wave at the camera, because I was taking a video, excited to have a new digicam. It was as if it was yesterday when I was explaining to him how The Amazing Race worked and why I wanted Eric and Danielle to win the All-Stars installment. It was as if it was yesterday that I had graduated and he had pointed to a woman who had her camera on us taking a shot. He is quite the attention seeker. He likes to appear in the media, be it five seconds on the TV news from a Royal visit, or the newspaper. He once stood in front of a photographer, with both his hands on his hips, when my parents were in line for the first Disney On Ice ticket sales, and hey presto, he was in the paper, in solid black and white. Hahaha. I miss his antics, he’s always up to no good.

When my dad used to sleep, he used to snore. After the accident, he doesn’t anymore. Now that he’s gone, I now sleep with my mom, who, funnily enough is not a snorer, but snores these days — must be really exhausted. And guess what? I pretended the snores came from him, and it was as if he was still alive. I have good, silent cries as I try to sleep by my mom’s side. And all because of my mom’s snores. LOL.

Look at me, getting all carried away with stories of my dad.

Do expect them more these days, because after typing out all these, I feel better. Watching Miami Ink on Discovery: Travel & Living at the moment, and the guy’s talking all about embracing change. And I’ll do that. One step at a time.


9 responses to “YOU BEACH!

  1. The fact that you can already reminisce about your late father is a sign of moving on.

  2. Hi Tina, Your facebook led me here,

    drama queen? not at all. but i sure do admire how strong you’ve been over such tragedy.

    your father has our prayers and keep strong.


  3. I actually enjoy reading stories about your late dad, Tina, just so you know. So you can write all you want. :)

    Personally, I also cry listening to ‘Dance With My Father’ everytime and especially when I realize I don’t live with my dad and hardly see him. So I can see how that song must have really touched you a whole lot more. *hugs*

  4. SoulJah, I hope so. I hope so.

    Rosie, thanks. :) Hugs.

    Airul, I have had a few meltdowns, thus, I’m not that strong, really. But thank you, I am trying my best. Thank you for your prayers as well. :)

    War, really? Hehe. I think because it came from the heart? Aiseh. But really, they’re nothing but words from the heart.

    Dance With My Father is a much sadder song now that I’ve gone through the death of my dad, even though I have never danced with him, or anyone, in fact.. but you know. Hehe.

    Hopefully your relationship with your father is okay, though. Hugs.

  5. ='( *hugs* I miss him too.

  6. Hi Tina.. Im sorry to hear about your loss. But your post is a reminder to us that still have our fathers to cherish of what is left of them. Im leaving the country soon and Im spending as much time as I can with him. I know his days are numbered. When I go and visit him.. I always go on a chatty mood and talked to him, listen to his rants.. never mind.. They do need attention like us too. I also like to aske him about his life experiences and try to learn as much as I can. Good things that I learn from him are the virtues of honesty and sincerity in what ever we do so that when some one questions us…our conscience are clear.

    I’ve gone through the demise of my own son some 11 years ago and it’s painful being a father going through it. I have shared it on my blog in my post of 2nd November. Feel free to read it.. Maybe that could provide some relief to you as well.

    I’m linking u.. :) Hope we meet one day!

  7. Pingback: Thank you « together we’ll mend these hearts

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