Things I’ll never say

Thank you to all of the comments in my previous post. Cutting the graduation celebration short, my dad suffered from a heart attack (or so we were told by the doctors), and passed away on the night of 22nd May 2007, just after Isyak. It came as a surprise to all of us, especially his wife and daughters. It was said that if he wasn’t recuperating from the surgery in April, he could’ve made it. But it was simply his time.

I have never experienced a loss before, and to experience losing someone so close to you, your own father.. it’s.. surreal.

I am so sorry for not texting everyone, but I tried to. And sorry for not being here to those who came in the morning, especially Ka Zian, her mother, Ka Ety, Ka Najwa and Syazwana. To those who can’t come, but tried to, it’s okay. I just needed to tell people that there’s something going on.

To those who had notified others through text, or through their blogs (namely Amani, War, Ness, Tiq, Maurina, Atul, Amy Heidi, Dhil, Di), thank you so much. There were a lot of people who came in between everything, and I can’t name you all, but thank you so much for coming. Thank you everyone for your prayers, it means a whole lot.

I just can’t believe my dad is not here anymore.

The day he passed away was the hardest, because he was feeling really energetic in the last few hours of his life. He cooked my sister and I something to eat while waiting for my mom to get back from work.. He was doing the laundry, folding our clothes, and vacuuming rooms he can easily access.. Basically, he was doing the chores my sister and I were supposed to be doing. Instead, we watched TV. He was watching with us, but at the same time, he did all these things.

He did everything he couldn’t do in the span of the three weeks he was recovering from surgery and the accident. I was happy to see him so well. I didn’t expect to see him take his last breath in the hospital emergency. I didn’t expect anything.

I still cry every now and then, because it is only two days since he’s gone, but I try not to because it physically hurts me and I will throw up if I’m not careful. The night when he passed away, I had a horrendous headache and threw up four times in the span of less than five hours and I didn’t even eat anything, so you can imagine the pain of having to vomit nothing.

The day he was buried, which was yesterday, was a little okay for my physical health, but it was very, very hard for me, mentally. Having to see him, lying there, kissing his cheeks and forehead.. It was really, really hard.

I didn’t want to share all of this with the world wide web, but I feel that if I do, I’ll feel much, much better. As if a load has been taken off my shoulders. And hopefully, when people read this, you’ll recite the al-Fatihah for my late dad, or at least you will wish him well. His name was Hj. Md. Daud bin Hj. Abd. Hamid. Please keep him in your prayers.

Thank you.

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45 responses to “Things I’ll never say

  1. *hugs* :,( Rest assured, he will be in my prayers.

  2. Tins, I’m so sorry to hear about ur dad.. My condolences to you and your family. stay strong! I’m sure your dad will be up there, looking over all of you. May he rest in peace :)

  3. *big hugs*

    Tina, I’ve lost my aunt just last week, and even now it seems surreal to me.

    I hope you keep it in your heart and mind to be strong. If not for yourself, then for your mum and siblings.

    I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. *hugs*

  4. Tina, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure everyone who reads this post will recite the al-fatihah and say a prayer for your father *hugs*

  5. That’s quite a shock to me. I found out from War’s site, just after seeing the picture of you and your proud parents. He looked content seeing his daughter graduating. I’m sure he was proud of what you have achieved.

  6. Tins *hugstight* I’ll always be here for you if you need anything.

  7. hang in there babe. banyak2 fatihah. anything call me.

  8. So sorry for your loss… *hugs*

  9. Inalillahiwainalillahirajiun

    Ka Et & family ikut mendo’akan & bersedekah al-fatihah. All blessings to you & family.

    Take care loff and bawa banyak2 besabar, be strong and seek for strength from the al-mighty and remember you can always find warmth & support from your loving family and friends.

    We love you. See you around.

  10. Inalillahiwainalillahirajiun

    I’m sorry to hear about your dad Tina. semoga rohnya di cucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang orang yang beriman. Al Fatihah.

    be strong and hang in there yeah babe. hugs.
    Love, Sher

  11. my condolences tina. mudahan your dad diampunkan dosa dosanya dan dimasukkan juga kedalam syurga dengan keredhaan Allah SWT. amin.

  12. hang in there babe. love u.

  13. *hugs*

    Be strong, Tina. Inalillah.

  14. In case you need anything, we’re all here for you.

  15. Condolences, Tina. My father passed away over two years ago, and it still feels surreal. But you’ll learn to move on, insyallah. With family and loved ones around, it won’t be that bad. Be strong, and you’ll pull through. (:

  16. Inalillahiwainalillahirajiun,

    So sorry for your loss, Al Fatihah.

  17. My condolences to you and ur family Tina…I’m still really shocked over the news…Be strong gal, hugz..

  18. I got your text when I was going back to sleep after fajr. I thought it was a dream.

    Kali I woke up and check my phone, it wasn’t. And I was overwhelm by sadness. I cried reading your post…to lose someone you love suddenly is not easy to assimilate.

    Berat lagi bahu memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul.

    We shall pray for your father, huns. Semoga Allah meringankan siksaan kubur, semoga Allah mengampunkan dosa-dosanya di dunya, semoga Allah memberi rahmat kepadanya, semoga Allahyarham di bangkitkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman, semoga Allahyarham di jadikan ahli syurga, semoga junjungan kita akan memberi syafaatnya di akhirah kelak.

    And we shall also pray that Allah will grant you patience and strengthen your deen in overcoming this test of His.

    Ameen.

    Al-Fatihah.

  19. hi tina… take care ok… *hugs*

  20. Serial Blog Commenter

    Tina,

    Sorry for your loss. I hope that everyone in your family is doing as best as they possibly can in this difficult time.

  21. Inalillahi Wainnalilahi Rajiun. Sorry for your loss, Tina. Hang in there. Insya Allah, Allah will guide you and your family during this difficult time.

  22. semoga roh nya di cucuri rahmat, amin ya rabalalamin.

    hang on there Tinz, be strong babe.

  23. Our condolences to you and family for your loss. Take good care. Warm regards, The GoodEggs xx

  24. Hang in there hun. Just let me know if u need anything. We girls will always be with you. Sabar and sedekahkan saja Al-fathihah banyak-banyak. Mudah2an rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Amin. *hugs*

  25. Ka Tins, I’m very sorry. Be strong, I know it’s hard. Banyakkan doa. And take care. Hugs* love u.

  26. Innalillahi Wainna Ilaihirajiun. Sorry for you loss Tina. Be strong. Semoga rohnya di cucuri rahmat selalu. Amin. *hugz* – Erah

  27. Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Raji’un

    Sorry for your loss, Tina. I read abt it from Amieheidi’s and then Ness’ blog. It just felt surreal coz you had posted that pic of you and your parents.

    No words can alleviate the pain you must be going thru. I guess all I can say is to pray for him in your dua and we will keep him in our prayers too.

    Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Amin.

  28. Hey.. Just wanted to offer my condolences to you and your family on your loss. Al-Fatihah.

  29. Im sorry, just heard about it yesterday..

    Inalillahiwainnalilahirajiun… Condolences to you and your family tina… Semoga rohnya di cucuri rahmat and ditempatkan dengan orang orang yang iman… amin.. al-fatihah.. Take care..

  30. Darkness Light

    Tina… My Condolences to you and your family. I know how you feel; losing someone very close to you. Be strong… *hugz*

  31. Al-fatihah.
    stay strong dear, our prayers are with him..
    *hugs*

  32. Al-fatihah..

    Tina, im really really sorry to hear about your dad. just hang in there alright. Take care.

    hugss

  33. Innalillahhi Wainnalillahhi Raji’un. my condolences,tina. *hugs*

  34. ka tins, i just found out. im so sorry! i hope everything’s going well now. i recited the al-fatihah. im so sorry. stay strong okay. *big hugs* if you need anything, anything at all, you know where to reach me. *hugs*

  35. *HugS*

    Be strong Tina..

    I wanted to give you a big hug…but afraid i was the one yang breakdown. and make a scene. Im not really good at sumthing like that. =)

    Mwahxx..

    Always be in my prayers..I wish you good luck..

    *Hugs again* hehe..nda cukup..

  36. Inalillahi Wainnalilahi Rajiun. Al-Fatihah. Condolences to your family. He will be in our prayers. Be strong.

  37. Tinz, u hang in there and take very good care of urself and ur fam as well. U be strong k?

    *hugs*

  38. Inalillah.

    My deepest condolences.
    Be strong.

  39. Innalillahhi Wainnalillahhi Raji’un.

    My deepest condolences to you and your family.

    Semoga roh Allahyarham dicucuri rahmat dan dimasukkan ke dalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman, beramal soleh dan ahli2 Syurga.

    Amin, Amin, Amin Ya Rabbal ‘Alamin.

    Al Fatihah.

  40. Innalillah and condolences, Tina.

  41. Ohmygod where have I been? I’m so sorry to hear. :( My condolences to you and your family Tina. Your post was very sincere and heartfelt, and it brought back memories and emotions of the passing of my uncle from two years ago, so I’m sure it must have been really hard for you. Good to hear you’re doing ok from your more recent posts. :) Take care. xxx

  42. Thanks so much, Hazirah. It was hard, but it’s getting to be one of the things that I have to get used to.. and just move on.

  43. My sincerest condolences for you and your family. Life and death is part of everyone’s journey.
    Take care of your family and yourself. Life goes on.

    Al-Fatihah.

  44. Thank you, David. I really appreciate it. :)

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