Things I’ll never say

Thank you to all of the comments in my previous post. Cutting the graduation celebration short, my dad suffered from a heart attack (or so we were told by the doctors), and passed away on the night of 22nd May 2007, just after Isyak. It came as a surprise to all of us, especially his wife and daughters. It was said that if he wasn’t recuperating from the surgery in April, he could’ve made it. But it was simply his time.

I have never experienced a loss before, and to experience losing someone so close to you, your own father.. it’s.. surreal.

I am so sorry for not texting everyone, but I tried to. And sorry for not being here to those who came in the morning, especially Ka Zian, her mother, Ka Ety, Ka Najwa and Syazwana. To those who can’t come, but tried to, it’s okay. I just needed to tell people that there’s something going on.

To those who had notified others through text, or through their blogs (namely Amani, War, Ness, Tiq, Maurina, Atul, Amy Heidi, Dhil, Di), thank you so much. There were a lot of people who came in between everything, and I can’t name you all, but thank you so much for coming. Thank you everyone for your prayers, it means a whole lot.

I just can’t believe my dad is not here anymore.

The day he passed away was the hardest, because he was feeling really energetic in the last few hours of his life. He cooked my sister and I something to eat while waiting for my mom to get back from work.. He was doing the laundry, folding our clothes, and vacuuming rooms he can easily access.. Basically, he was doing the chores my sister and I were supposed to be doing. Instead, we watched TV. He was watching with us, but at the same time, he did all these things.

He did everything he couldn’t do in the span of the three weeks he was recovering from surgery and the accident. I was happy to see him so well. I didn’t expect to see him take his last breath in the hospital emergency. I didn’t expect anything.

I still cry every now and then, because it is only two days since he’s gone, but I try not to because it physically hurts me and I will throw up if I’m not careful. The night when he passed away, I had a horrendous headache and threw up four times in the span of less than five hours and I didn’t even eat anything, so you can imagine the pain of having to vomit nothing.

The day he was buried, which was yesterday, was a little okay for my physical health, but it was very, very hard for me, mentally. Having to see him, lying there, kissing his cheeks and forehead.. It was really, really hard.

I didn’t want to share all of this with the world wide web, but I feel that if I do, I’ll feel much, much better. As if a load has been taken off my shoulders. And hopefully, when people read this, you’ll recite the al-Fatihah for my late dad, or at least you will wish him well. His name was Hj. Md. Daud bin Hj. Abd. Hamid. Please keep him in your prayers.

Thank you.